December 02, 2016

I Feel Like....

... I don't know what I feel like. Everything I pick doesn't feel right. I do know that I feel in pain and like I shouldn't wake up.

I was starting to feel out of sorts like three days ago, but yesterday I realized it was because of my cycle. As I've gotten older it's just gotten mentally worst. Before it was just pain that lasted a full week on heavy flow.

Now there are chemicals mixed in. I feel depressed. I feel like not doing anything. I still feel the pain but now I feel like I'm going to throw up sometimes. When I was younger I was able to eat and that would give my stomach pain something else to do and leave me alone for a little bit.

Now I mostly starve myself and that's no fun.

So while my body is dealing with all that, my sister asks me to roasts some veggies for the office. She's been doing this week long baking event for the office because a friend of her's is leaving. On Friday, today, they are having something of a potluck lunch. She made a carrot cake with buttercream icing. She wanted me to do the roasted veggies. Which was a mix of Honey Nut squash, Brussels sprouts, another squash of some kind, three different kinds of small potatoes and some radishes. It was something to get the cake into the fridge to keep until she left, so I work up at 4 am and did the veggies.

I never really remember everything I do each time I make something, so there was a little tinkering and I think thanks to my sister opening the open during the last 20 mins saved them for burning. I was awake and in my room waiting for the timer to go off, but I had turned up the heat but gave it too long. She opened the open to see how things were going when she work up and it set off the fire alarm.

Nothing was wrong. The alarm is just a little sensitive. :) I checked the oven anyway to make sure, and they were done. Almost a little too crispy, but done. I took out the two pans because I needed everything to lay flat in the pan to get crispy sides, Once again I think I should have put in the Brussel Sprouts in later than everything else.

Anyway, I put them in the pan she was taking them in, Left it open to cool, with the window now open and went back to bed once I told her.

I then just wouldn't get up until it was time for the girl to come home from school. I did get out bed before then to go to the bathroom. A number of times. But I just ended back up in bed and trying to sleep it all away.

Even when the girl got here. I made sure she had something to eat and she took her nap afterwards like normal. I was in bed before she was asleep. I felt a little bad sleeping while she was here, but I just could not lay down.

We then had a round with her homework. The English wasn't too bad. But we got into it with her math. There are times when I'm not sure if she is trying to appear dumb, care so little to remember to do it correctly, or wants to see how long it will take until I spank her. No, I don't believe that doesn't know she has to do, since we have been doing it for two days already and it was covered in school for at least two already also.

I finally got around to cooking dinner. I did something close to steamed fish, but not something Americans would recognize as steamed fish. I sauteed some onions and peppers, added broth, to get rid of it instead of using water. Seasoned it with adobe, then added some slices of frozen fish in the liquid and let it boil for about 10 - 15 mins. It should be called boiled fish I guess. I haven't done it in a while.

I was about to make some rice and kale to go with it, but it just seemed wrong. So I hunted down a recipe for dumplings. West Indan dumplings and it was when I forming them, my sister and the girl's mother came home.

I think I could cut down on the salt used, but other than that, dinner came out fine. My sister came home with a 'sandwich'. It was a fish sandwich from Micky D's. Along with an 'apple pie'. She got two, I think she thought of giving me one, but then realized the amount of butter in the crust and didn't bother.

So now done eating, my stomach aches and I think I'm going to crawl into bed because I'm also cold. I should go turn on the heat. My sister is already asleep.

I was going to say a little more, but it can keep.


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